Tuesday, 13 November 2012

David's 10 M's of Mega-success

You know, I’ve lost count of the number of people who haven’t asked me for my secrets of success in business. Well, I follow my own mantra which I like to call ‘The 10 M’s of Mega-success!’

1.       Mea culpa
Always say “It’s my fault.”  Don’t try and blame others for things that go wrong. And let’s face it even if the issue is nothing to do with you, there is probably something that you’ve done badly that has led to this. So accept blame for everything! You’ll be popular with colleagues and they are sure to involve you in every project.

2.       Misery
It is only through abject misery that we appreciate the good times. So make sure you are as miserable as you can be for as long as possible. Your successes (if they ever arrive) will be so much sweeter. 

3.       Must I?
Question everything you are doing. Constantly. And if anyone asks you to do anything, especially your boss at work, just say to your self, “Must I?” In fact, it’s even more effective to say it out loud. In this way you will develop a deep understanding of not only what is important to you, but also what is important to everyone else.

4.       Manage upwards
A natural follow-on from “Must I?”  Question every decision your management make, to their faces as well as behind their backs. They’ll quickly identify you as someone worth watching! 

5.       Manipulate
Use people around you to get what you want. Lie, cheat, subvert, anything to position yuourself ahead of your rivals.  The more you are able to force people to do things for you without their realising, the happier and more popular you will be. And the greater their surprise when, having achieved your goals, you then reveal exactly what you did to get there. This will earn you respect and sometime legendary status in the office. You’ll be the talking point at every desk.

6.       Moan
Don’t hold it in where it will just fester. If there’s something that you don’t like, say it. Every time. Expressing yourself like this is cathartic and gives your colleagues a real sense of the true you. What better way to make friends?

7.       Machiavelli
Don’t believe the press, the guy was a genius. Put succinctly (and despite what I said about blame above) if a colleague says or does anything that might even remotely be considered to be not in your best interests, crush them. Mercilessly. Totally. Respect through fear is a gift.

8.       Mediate
Get involved in each and every dispute around you. Make sure you strongly and publically take a side so that the issue can be quickly resolved. 

9.       Meditate
It’s not all hustle and bustle in business. Take time out to relax and shut out the cares of the day. The best time to do this is in a management or board meeting, during an appraisal, or even in front of an important customer. Plugging in your headphones will help to keep out unwelcome distractions. After a good 15 minutes downtime you’ll feel refreshed and ready for action.

10.   Move
Change your job as often as you can. It’s usually advisable to let your latest employer and all your colleagues know exactly what you think of them when you leave so as to avoid those annoying ‘buy back’ conversations, awkward leaving do’s and attempted superficial friendships.

Just follow these top tips and your future career is assured. In my next article I’ll focus on management style.